Whether you’ve been too afraid to use dating apps or used them so much you have carpal tunnel, dating is tricky. Learning about another person and finding commonalities takes a certain finesse that can be accomplished in five simple questions. To determine whether your date shares your values, consider asking the following:
What are you most passionate about?
Discovering someone’s passions is one of the simplest and most effective ways to determine if you’re a match. However, asking someone directly how they feel about a specific issue can be intimidating and make them feel like they’re on a job interview rather than a date. Instead of asking, “How do you feel about gun control?” or “Where do you stand on LGBTQ rights?” leave it open-ended; learning about someone’s passions without any direction reveals more about them.
What are your dealbreakers?
You can learn much about someone by understanding where they draw the line in relationships. When someone tells you their dealbreakers, not only do they reveal their set-in-stone values, but they also reveal the values they’re willing to compromise on. This information divulges whether a relationship has a chance to move forward or should be a “that-was-fun-but” one-time occurrence.
What do you do in your spare time?
Suppose you’re looking for a partner who spends all their spare time volunteering with the elderly or rescuing orphaned kittens from burning buildings. In that case, you’re setting yourself up for failure, no matter how many digital-age dates you go on. Even so, learning about someone’s hobbies does help you gauge the type of person they are and determine commonalities. If your date spends all their spare time researching fantasy football and you don’t know a Bronco from a Bengal, for example, it’ll be much harder to find a solid foundation.
If you could have any career, what would it be?
This is a subtle and insightful way to learn what makes your potential partner tick. Asking this question from a sky’s-the-limit stance where no career is off the table can tell you exactly where their priorities lie (notably, whether you agree with them). After all, nothing reveals more about someone’s character than a reflection of their ideal life’s work.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
This is an excellent way to determine whether you have the same future-centric values (and it involves far less pressure than flat-out asking if they want to get married and/or have children). Whether you’re ready to settle down or don’t plan to take a trip down the aisle, knowing your potential partner is on the same page is essential. This prevents you both from wasting each other’s time.
Learning about your date is the entire point of a niche dating experience, but you must be careful not to make things feel too much like an interrogation. Open-ended and fun questions can help you gauge whether or not your date is a fit, a fling, or an utter failure.
TruuBlue is an AI-powered dating app for socially progressive singles in Colorado. Its focus on issues ranging from pro-choice, climate change, and gun control to immigration laws and LGBTQ protections empowers people to find partners with shared values and passions.
